Things happen for a Reason

We went to the mall this weekend and my husband decided to get a watch battery. I went on my merry way to explore the sales at my leisure. I noticed he didn't come look for me (which is highly unusual ) so I set off looking for him. Sure enough he was still at the battery kiosk. My husband can talk to anyone and usually does. I approached curious as to what was so enticing in the conversation. Well he was talking to this guy in his early twenty's about our daughter. I thought to muself what could this kid say that was so important. Well come to find out he had alot of the same problems that my daughter has. He told us about a neighbor who treats these problems without medicine. I found out alot of things can be attributed to her diet. She could have food allergies ,even mild ones that could trigger related symtoms. He also told us about his girlfriends father who is a peditrician that specializes in ADD ADHD and OCD etc. He said this man has a great track record. Well while we were there his girlfriend came. She works for her father in the office and is in collage for psychiatry. This is one intelligent twenty something. She answers my husbands questions and gives us alot of new information. We take her fathers number and promise oneanother that we will call. Talk about being in the right place at the right time.
We have spent close to thirty thousand dollars on therapists and psychiatrist who in the past two years really have done nothing to help or solve our situation. I guess we were scared to start all over and be in between without a safety net. This young girl told us that with our daughters problems she should not be on any stimulants because it could make her symptoms worse. Not the ADD OR ADHD but all the other stuff. We are anxiously waiting to see this new Doctor and hope beyound hope that he will be able to help or minimize alot of her symptoms. I will let you know, wish us luck.

Life Interrupted

When I was feeling my lowest along came Michelle. A beautiful strong woman who is a young mother and wife and is dying. I look at her as she goes through each day not sure if there will be a tomorrow. This woman gives me strength and a longing to go on.
I stumbled on Michelle's blog one evening searching for answers to my own problems. I was instantly captivated by her words and courage. I sat that night for over 6 hours catching up with Michelles life reading her blog and instantly feeling a bond. That night I felt so many emotions from sadness to anger. I cried that night for Michelle, her husband, children and family and friends. I do not know where all the tears came from, perhaps from my own hidden fears of death and losing someone close. That night I grieved for Michelle and the day her words would no longer be there to comfort me. Since the first night that I read her blog I think of Michelle and her family daily. Here is a woman who is so unselfish and has more courage than anyone I have ever met.
I can only imagine what must go through Michelles mind everynight before she finally falls asleep. I wish I could show Michelle the impact that she has had on so many. I wish I could show her the future and let her see her children grow and let her see what a impact she has had on them. Michelle showed her children how to love and how to give from the heart. Michelle will be forever in her childrens heart and her memory will be forever locked in their souls.
People are put on earth for a reason. I do not think Michelle realizes the impact that she has had on so many. Some of the people Michelle will never meet but these strangers feel as though Michelle is a close friend. Her writing makes you feel like you have known her for a lifetime. I wish I would have had the chance to meet this brave woman in person and I wish I could take away her pain. Michelle is a gift from God and I feel blessed to be given a chance to share her journey back home. Thanks Michelle.

Eye Opener

There are so many things to write about sometimes I don't know where to start. Things have been a little quiet lately. I guess this is my breathing space. My daughter never seems to rest, her mind is always thinking about her friends or trying to make a special friend. I realize my daughter has a quest for a best friend. I see her looking at photos of girls that call one another best friends and I see a longing in her eyes. I decided to try and help her in a inconspicuous way. I will invite a girl she knows over for this coming weekend. I am going to see if they want to go to a haunted house. In October we always hunt out the haunted houses or hayrides. I am like a big kid anxiously waiting for Halloween. I plan on making a few trips this October and I will include this girl in our family travels. I hope this will help bring the two of them closer.
As a mother I am willing to do whatever I have to do to keep my daughter safe and happy. I am probably the most paranoid mother in the universe. I will wait outside the mall while my daughter shops with her friends or goes to the movies. This entails up to 5 hours in the car. Sometimes I drive around the mall and check the entrances to make sure she is not outside doing things she shouldn't. Of course my daughter has no idea that I do this. I will sometimes seat myself outside of the movie theater (kinda hiding) to make sure she doesn't leave. I do these things because I am scared to death that she will get herself in trouble with drugs. remember she has already tried pot and alcohol at her tender age of 14. I also snoop in her room when she is not at home, going through each drawer, cubby hole and pocket that I can find. I would make the FBI proud. I have learned to be a detective.
Just this past weekend my daughter got together with a few of her friends that I do not like. She would never know that I don't like them. I have learned to keep my enemies close. The one kid is the one that gave her alcohol. When we picked this boy up my husband had a talk with his father about his son giving our daughter alcohol. My husband told him the next time the police would be called along with the school. The father was nonchalant as if his son gave our daughter a snicker bar. My husband told this boys father that he would be talking with him about the situation. Near the end of the day my husband called this boy over and told him that he is not to give our daughter alcohol again or the police would be called and so would the school. The boy gave us lip service and that was that. I thought our daughter would be upset about the talk with the boy but she actually looked relieved. This showed me just how strong peer pressure is. This boy is a disrespectful kid who looks like a freak. I have learned not to say anything negative because it just makes our daughter want to be around them more. The less I say the more she sees with her own eyes. I don't even want to tell you the nasty thoughts my husband and I had about this kid. We fantasize what we would like to do to these kids and it relieves alot of stress.
I would feel better if these kids parents cared about what their kids do. Half of the parents know their kids are doing drugs and alcohol and act like they don't care. It is very sad to see. I am going to the school to see if I can start a program for the teens after school. I want to get the kids together in a supervised setting. I will plan trips and outings for these kids and I am going to try to see if I can help them in someway. Wish me luck.

My Little Girl

I am sure that every mother has at least a dozen special moments with their children that they will never forget. You know the ones, etched in your heart and mind.

I remember my daughters first Father Daughters Dance in 5th grade. Boy she was so excited and scared I can still see her face and feel the emotions that she displayed. Oneday she came up to me with a look of worry on her face and asked me if I would show her how to slow dance. My daughter was so worried that she would not dance well enough for her dad. I was so excited and touched that I enthusiastically said yes. I went to the cd collection and choose a Randy Travis cd. I can remember standing in the kitchen with my little girl in my arms and dancing with her to this cd. I will never forget holding her and the overwhelming feeling of love. I was so proud of her for wanting to learn to dance. We practiced everyday up to the night of the dance. I know she felt proud of herself. I will never forget the special times we shared in our kitchen dancing to Randy Travis.

I enjoyed the whole preparation for this Father Daughters Dance. We went to the mall to pick a special dress out with a beauiful pair of pearl earrings and a matching pearl necklace. The night of the dance we did her hair special and prepared for her special day with her dad. My daughters father rented a tux and they made it like a date. They went out to dinner first and than to the dance. My husband had the teachers at the dance take photos of them dancing and I will treasure those pictures.

Each time I look at the photos from the Father Daughter Dance it takes me back to a time when my daughter was My Little Girl. I look into her eyes and I see innocence. When my days are rough I look at the photos and think of happier times. I love My Little Girl so much that my heart is hurting. I can see the change in her eyes and we no longer share special moments. I can see through the bad girl act and what keeps me going is I know My Little Girl is there somewhere.

I pray eachnight that I will see that girl again. My daughter has made some unwise decisions and I am worried for her. I feel at times that I am in a stage of grief. My feelings are as if I am grieving. I guess in away I am. I hope my daughter will see that she doesn't need to do drugs or alchol to fit in. The drugs and alcohol are pushing her true friends away. Please pray for my family and any advice is welcomed.

Mean Girls

Ever see the movie Mean Girls? If you have you know its straight from the classroom, if you haven't you must go rent it. If you have a preteen or teenage daughter watch this and you will see what they have to go through everyday. This is a sad reality and I hope for most girls this isn't their reality. Girls can be cruel. This is a fact. You have several different groups in school and always the perfect (In their eyes) group is always in charge. I would hate to be a teenager today. If you aren't in with the popular crowd than your life could be pretty miserable in school. Teens don't realize that the trauma that they put some kids through can really effect their adulthood. Everyone starts to try to find themselves at this age and desperately seek peer approval. Sad to say but some teens have died trying to gain the approval of their peers. If this mean girl group could be one of the less fortunate for one day they would truly change how they treat others.

When the unpopular kids can't fit in sometimes they resort to finding any group that will accept them. These kids will change to conform as a last ditch effort to belong. I have had the unfortunate experience as seeing this for myself. Straight A students become D students, happy kids become depressed kids, christians turn the other way, drugs, alcohol and sex become the most important thing so that they may fit in. Some of these kids don't really like who they are but they don't want to go back to being alone, some enjoy being able to mask their pain with these 3 evils. These poor kids are caught in a twister and some won't make it out alive.

How can we help these kids? They think that as parents we don't know what we are talking about. We want to ruin their fun, we are jealous because they have friends and are fitting in, we are to straight edge and just don't understand. I have tried to talk to my daughter and share my experiences with her but all I seem to get is the famous "eye roll". I try to get her to engage in activities with kids like herself but she turns into a member of the Mean Girl club.

Tell me please what are we suppose to do? My heart is breaking and I am scared for my daughters life. I see her spiraling out of control. Please comment with any helpful advice.

God Bless

My little Girl

OK, now the school therapist tells me that my daughter thinks she is gay or bi. Well I talk to her about this and she denies ever saying it. I explain to her that its normal to feel close to the same sex and she should not label herself until she can understand exactly what she is feeling. She still denies everything to me but continues to spread the word of her new found sexuality to everyone at school. OK, not all the kids are so welcoming on this fact and some tease and some pull away. She seeks out the ones who will give her sympathy and is willing to listen to her stories. I'm not sure if she is doing this to seek attention or if she truly feels confused about her sexuality. The kids she hangs out with tell her the drama is getting old and she starts to manipulate the therapist. I try to talk to her but she won't listen and runs away. Meanwhile her grades are slipping lower and lower and everyday I get emails from the teacher or teachers. The teachers say she is not doing her work and she forgets her homework or where she left her books, etc,etc...

I really try to talk to her and get into her head. Something from sixth grade comes up in the conversation. She tells me that in 6Th grade (this is when she was a straight A student) a group of the popular girls come up to her and say " You would be cool if you didn't wear your hair that way and didn't have braces and dress more on the cooler side" Well they tease her about being a straight edge and getting good grades. Well she takes this to heart and does a triple turn around.

How, What ,Where and Why?

14 years ago I was hopeful and happy. Today I am scared and broken hearted. My daughter has always attended private school and has done extremely well. Above average most would say. In the summer before 7th grade a huge change started to take place. My daughter developed a smart mouth and attitude and became depressed. Everything that use to interest her she put on the back shelf. My daughter started to become a chameleon, changing her personality to whoever she was around. My thoughts at first was she is trying to find herself. Now I am not sure of anything.

Basically she is a great kid who seems confused. Friendships that are lasting and true come hard for her. I believe she looks in the wrong places. My daughter is forever trying to find herself a best friend. I usually have few problems with her except for her mouthing off and being disrespectful. Boy, the weeks before Christmas sure changed that. I received a call from the school stating that my daughter has been cutting herself. Nothing really serious but this is how it all begins. I talk to the school and we exchange what little information I could share. I have noticed that she has become more and more depressed. I take my daughter to see a therapist and he puts her on medication for depression and we start doing some test. The test reveal she has OCD , ADD, ADHD, ODD and lord knows what else. Treatment begins right away. Months and months into treatment I see good days and bad. We switch medicines and full around with the dosing. Still no change.

Eight grade comes and we go from bad to worse. Grades slide down attitude is given to the teachers. I am pulling my hair out by now. We discipline, we seek help and we work close with the school. The counselor at school tells me she thinks my daughter is just immature and is trying to find her way. I roll with whatever the school wants me to do and also the therapist. I still see good days and bad. It seems like all she cares about is having a social life.

Just to let you know she never did cut herself again after the first incident. I am not sure if she was trying to get attention or what.