My Little Girl

I am sure that every mother has at least a dozen special moments with their children that they will never forget. You know the ones, etched in your heart and mind.

I remember my daughters first Father Daughters Dance in 5th grade. Boy she was so excited and scared I can still see her face and feel the emotions that she displayed. Oneday she came up to me with a look of worry on her face and asked me if I would show her how to slow dance. My daughter was so worried that she would not dance well enough for her dad. I was so excited and touched that I enthusiastically said yes. I went to the cd collection and choose a Randy Travis cd. I can remember standing in the kitchen with my little girl in my arms and dancing with her to this cd. I will never forget holding her and the overwhelming feeling of love. I was so proud of her for wanting to learn to dance. We practiced everyday up to the night of the dance. I know she felt proud of herself. I will never forget the special times we shared in our kitchen dancing to Randy Travis.

I enjoyed the whole preparation for this Father Daughters Dance. We went to the mall to pick a special dress out with a beauiful pair of pearl earrings and a matching pearl necklace. The night of the dance we did her hair special and prepared for her special day with her dad. My daughters father rented a tux and they made it like a date. They went out to dinner first and than to the dance. My husband had the teachers at the dance take photos of them dancing and I will treasure those pictures.

Each time I look at the photos from the Father Daughter Dance it takes me back to a time when my daughter was My Little Girl. I look into her eyes and I see innocence. When my days are rough I look at the photos and think of happier times. I love My Little Girl so much that my heart is hurting. I can see the change in her eyes and we no longer share special moments. I can see through the bad girl act and what keeps me going is I know My Little Girl is there somewhere.

I pray eachnight that I will see that girl again. My daughter has made some unwise decisions and I am worried for her. I feel at times that I am in a stage of grief. My feelings are as if I am grieving. I guess in away I am. I hope my daughter will see that she doesn't need to do drugs or alchol to fit in. The drugs and alcohol are pushing her true friends away. Please pray for my family and any advice is welcomed.

How, What ,Where and Why?

14 years ago I was hopeful and happy. Today I am scared and broken hearted. My daughter has always attended private school and has done extremely well. Above average most would say. In the summer before 7th grade a huge change started to take place. My daughter developed a smart mouth and attitude and became depressed. Everything that use to interest her she put on the back shelf. My daughter started to become a chameleon, changing her personality to whoever she was around. My thoughts at first was she is trying to find herself. Now I am not sure of anything.

Basically she is a great kid who seems confused. Friendships that are lasting and true come hard for her. I believe she looks in the wrong places. My daughter is forever trying to find herself a best friend. I usually have few problems with her except for her mouthing off and being disrespectful. Boy, the weeks before Christmas sure changed that. I received a call from the school stating that my daughter has been cutting herself. Nothing really serious but this is how it all begins. I talk to the school and we exchange what little information I could share. I have noticed that she has become more and more depressed. I take my daughter to see a therapist and he puts her on medication for depression and we start doing some test. The test reveal she has OCD , ADD, ADHD, ODD and lord knows what else. Treatment begins right away. Months and months into treatment I see good days and bad. We switch medicines and full around with the dosing. Still no change.

Eight grade comes and we go from bad to worse. Grades slide down attitude is given to the teachers. I am pulling my hair out by now. We discipline, we seek help and we work close with the school. The counselor at school tells me she thinks my daughter is just immature and is trying to find her way. I roll with whatever the school wants me to do and also the therapist. I still see good days and bad. It seems like all she cares about is having a social life.

Just to let you know she never did cut herself again after the first incident. I am not sure if she was trying to get attention or what.